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ZERO MOTIVATION....

 TRAUMA OF UNEMPLOYMENT

Okay , So today I am going to go visit a couple of institutes that offers training on SAP Fico module. I want to get trained on SAP as it adds some essential skill on my CV. Finding a genuine institute can be tricky because believe it or not there are so many fake ones in and around the city just to fleece money. I am really stressed out lately. Its been 5 months now. Well, to be honest I'am not really trying hard enough. I am confused about so many things. I have way too many things in my head which I can't really tell anyone yet. I could try going back to my previous company but there is a reason why I am not trying there. Again, I am not ready to spill the reason as to why- atleast for now. These unemployment days have left my brain to rot and I can't think or do anything that essentially should help me get hold of an interview. I mean I am planning too much, but I am not putting them into action. I want to continue my studies but I am not taking an intiative to look up online and apply for whatever course. I also want to get a job, but I am not looking for one in the right way. Its like I have multiple doors open infront of me, but I can't seem to get anywhere near those doors. Something is so awfully wrong with me.

Yesterday, I decided - "This is it, I am going to study SAP Fico. I can do this course during weekends and look for jobs all the other days." I looked up online and saw a site where I could register free and get some help in finding the best institute in the city. FML !!! Little did I know I was going to be a prey for tele marketers. I registered and within 15 minutes, I realized I did a big mistake. I was getting bombarded with calls and sms's from so many f******* institutes. The first 3 calls, I was like "well, lets just see who offers the best training at an afforable cost" I picked up and spoke and they sent me their addresses. It didn't stop there, calls were back to back that I had to mute my phone. WTF! I didn't think they would literally send my number to 200+ institutes in the city as a prey for telemarketing. That energy I had in the beginning for looking up an institute went down outright. Regardless, I am going to look into the first 3 institutions if they are genuine enough to provide me what they are offering. I will be going there to personally see it myself and form a conclusion as to whether I should really spend money on this course or not. I don't really know if its worth doing a course that doesn't provide a certification in the first place. I mean the SAP certification costs around 250,000+ bucks here in india or maybe more. Its expensive and all in all a tough one to crack. Hence, we have an option to pick up a specific module and get real time training on it. There are so many institutes to choose from and the worst part is about 90% of them are not authorised SAP partners. So I am kind of  double minded right now. One thing that bugs me a lot lately are the tele-marketing calls. You look up a job or a course online, and happens to click on a related link, boom! You fell into a deep puddle. "Hi, Is this A*********. We got a notification that you are looking for a job. What kind of job are you looking for? We have openings for voice profiles. Would you like to come down for an interview"?  HELL NO!! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ANY BPO JOBS"! This back to back calls sometimes put me out for the entire day! I got sick of it to an extend of not picking any unknown numbers. -_-

What am I doing with my life ? Even though I have plans, things are not happening the way I want it to happen. I know I need to try harder to achieve what I want to achieve! I have gotten so lazy and feels stressed out and exhausted. Maybe I need to sort things out that bothers me in the inside. I think I might need some counseling or maybe some motivation? Help me!!!!! 😢

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