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WHAT DID I STUDY ? WHAT IS MY CAREER ?? AMBITION??

 WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE??

As a child, I dreamed of becoming a Doctor some day. Growing up I had multiple career aspirations. A Rockstar. An Astronaut. A Fashion designer and the list goes on. During middle school, I figured maybe I wasn't fit to become a doctor or an astronaut. My chemistry and physics grades were not up to the mark. As I was doing my high school, I met this teacher. She had a profound impact on my life. She always told me that I had the skill set and abilities to become a civil servant or a chartered accountant in my home country(India). Back then, I was a shy girl who had no idea what I was doing with my life. With the help of my teacher I realized maybe I wasn't as dumb as I thought I would be. Well, I always sell myself short. I am fully aware that its not something to brag about. It did have a negative impact on me which i will cover on a later post.So, this feeling that I am good for nothing  made me think of myself as the dumbest person alive on this planet. Because of this feeling, I am always on the urge to learn new things. We are all meant to thrive. We all came to this world with more talents and abilities than most of us ever use. So, I am constantly trying to expand my awareness and improve myself daily.

Back to my high school teacher - I can't really remember her name since its been ages since graduation. So, with the help of this kind teacher, I developed a specific interest in Accounts and finance. After I graduated high school, I still was unclear about my career. Since, I had good accountancy skills, I decided to pursue an undergraduate degree in Commerce. I searched for a calling- a class that would direct my life. I wanted to find out specifically what subject I was interested in. During my 3 years of study I learned that I specifically enjoyed studying Accountancy and Foreign Trade.I remember how much interest I showed in studying foreign trade policies. I was always keen on understanding these subjects from the basic level.

My motive behind joining college was to enjoy life. I had no intention to study and get good grades. This was because of certain things that happend in my life prior to joining the college. Keeping all the fun and shitty sides of college life aside, my time in college has taught me that I love to learn. I was a girl with no ambition in life. All I wanted was to finish B.com , get "any" job and settle down with a guy. Now, when I look back at my life, what stood out the most was my stupidness. You can't really blame me for that. From kindergarten to college we are told how to think, what to memorize and how to fit in. We are just mind fucked while growing up and clueless about what to do with this life. I was completely clueless. Even though I graduated college with good grades ,a part of me still regret for not giving my best. I never used my full potential. I never sat down to study properly, instead I used to write exams from mere memories from classes I attended. I was super lazy back then, but inspite of that, I did a good job.

Deciding a career has never been a straight forward process for me. But the knowledge I gained over the past few years made it clear to me that Accounts is the right choice. It can give me the foundation I need to go on and become a CPA.Yes, I aspire to become a CPA some day. All these thought processes started happening recently. After my graduation, I went back to Dubai where my parents lived. I spent a solid 10 months hunting jobs. (Even though, I got a job at Infosys through campus recruitment, my parents did not want me to stay in India after graduation. So, I decided to go back to Dubai and start fresh). Let me be honest here, I really was clueless about the corporate world. I had no idea where to start or what to look for. But overtime in the pursuit of getting "any job", I realized "Its not easy-its F*****G difficult". I wasn't good enough and I knew that. There was a long way to go. So rejections after rejections, I decided to give up. My dad was going through some shit back then, so we decided to go back to India and settle down in Bangalore. So yeah I was Unemployed for almost an year. 

Life in Bengaluru has so far been the best. I started looking for a job in Bengaluru. From my experience in Dubai , I knew I was supposed to look for jobs posted online. I did the same. I registered myself in several job sites expecting a call. After a week, I realized things don't work that way in India. When I signed up for jobs, I started getting calls from several consultancies offering jobs in MNC's, most of which were Call center jobs. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to work in a call center. After trying a few companies and failing interviews, I decided to take up a call center job as a start. I went for the Interview and luckily I got through.

I started working at the call center and made a few friends there. Couple of weeks later, I realized, I didn't want to continue that Job anymore. With the help of a friend I met at that company (now my bestie), I learnt more and more about the corporate set up and how it functions and what they expect from the candidates who look for jobs. We went from one company to another for interviews trying to get hold of a job in our field of study. After several failed attempts, One fine day I learned that my friend managed to get placed in one of the big accounting firms in the world. I was genuinely happy for her. We went for the interview together and we had a huge task of clearing 6 rounds of interviews to get hired. These rounds do not happen on the same day. Waiting to find out if we were "shortlisted" for the next round was the most annoying thing ever. Long story short, my friend got her offer letter in a month's time and in my case, even though I managed to crack the rounds, I never received an offer letter or a rejection email. God knows what happend. After a couple of months , I called up the company to find out what went wrong. They said, there was no "A***** ****" in their database and that the HR who interviewed me had resigned earlier that month. FML.I had no idea what they meant by that and I still don't. So yeah, I didn't get the job. During the waiting period, I had gone for other interviews and landed with a technical support job in an IT based company. On realizing that I didn't make it to that accounting firm I mentioned earlier, I decided to take up that job offer in the IT sector. I was really disappointed with everything in my life. Nothing was going as I planned. I worked for that IT company for over an year and during the period of my employment, I learned a lot of things. I became a lot more confident and on completing an year, I decided to put down my papers to try that accounting firm once again. I hadn't given up on my dream. Even though I failed the first time, I wanted to try again to find out where I stand after an year working in an industry. I went for the interview again, this time more confident. I cracked the major round - Aptitude test followed by the remaining 4 rounds. I was fully prepared to give my best. After a few weeks, I get an email from that firm offering a position as Analyst. So yeah, I finally got the job! 

Let me tell you this, getting a "F*****g real job is hell of a task". It involves months and months of preparation. You will face rejections multiple times but don't let it consume you. Its really not easy so, make sure you prepare for it from the moment you step into a college. If you study for the sake of passing, you will never reach anywhere. Getting a job requires the thorough understanding of the Industry and the whole interview processes. It sucks really. But there are some lucky people out there, who without any knowledge or prior experience manages to get a good job without any difficulty. They are the luckiest asses in the world. Not all of us are that lucky.I did get my dream job after multiple failed attempts in several other big companies. But I am not going to settle for it. Again the experience from this professional field made me realized I am still a zero. I still have a lot of things to achieve. When compared to the other people I worked with in the firm, I was a person with a lot of shortcomings. I now want to work on those short comings. I decided to pursue my higher studies.I believe that a post graduation in accounting will be extremely useful in making my CPA dream happen. As a woman, I want to make sure that I am self dependent and capable of living life on my own terms. Every experiences that I have been through taught me a lot and helped me understand what I need in life and what my purpose is. I aim to live my life as a good human being. I want to put the knowledge I gained from my studies to good use in a way that contributes to the company I work for and the society as a whole.

Anyway, what I really want to convey through my post is that "Dont give up - keep trying" and some day when the time is right , things will start coming your way. We humans ,have a tendency to settle for things far less than what we are truly capable of , especially women. Have an ambition in life and strive to achieve it. At the end of the day you will feel good about yourselves. I won't say I achieved everything I wanted. I still have a long way to go and I am still chasing my dreams. Some day while I am on my death bed, I can feel at ease and say " I achieved something with this GODDAMN life". Life can be miserable at times which makes you question your existence. I have been through it all. Giving up is easy but fighting the hard fight is a challenge. 

- "The fruits of hard work are sweeter than the sweetest of nectars"



ALL LOVE,

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