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BRAIN DUMP...

LONELINESS AND MY THOUGHT WORLD...Have you ever sat in a room full of people and still felt absolutely alone? Well, I have. It's not like I didn't enjoy the company of the people in the room, and it's nothing personal to them. Just, feeling alone has always been a part of my life. Some people see being alone and being lonely as two different things. I disagree. I've felt both at separate times, in separate situations. Just because you have people around you that love you, it doesn't necessarily mean you don't feel alone. 


Sometimes, being alone can be good. Believe me, I'm trying to be able to be alone. But when you're sitting in a room and you are physically alone with nothing to occupy you, your mind can tend to wander. When this happens to me, I'm usually staring mindlessly at a screen, not even paying attention to what's on it. My brain starts to play with me, thoughts darting around faster than fireflies. Thoughts about people, my body, my p…
Recent posts

BEING A GEMINI...

THE TIME WHEN I AM CREATIVE...



Much Love,
💗💗

TAKING A BREAK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA..

DEPRESSION/ANXIETY DISORDERI kinda need a break from everything. My last couple of days have been horrible and I had trouble sleeping at night too. I don't really want to talk about what caused it. I have been trying to solve an issue but it ended up giving me a heartache. So this morning when I reached the breaking point, I decided to seek help. I knew if I didn't do it, I would probably end up hurting myself or losing my sanity once and for all. I looked up on the internet to find out what kind of doctor is best for treating my depression situation and it turned out I should consider seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist. The reason why I decided to see a doctor is because I needed someone to understand what I was going through and help me get back in the track. I don't have many friends, because I was never good at maintaining a good relationship with anyone. I always preferred being rather alone and I was always pushing people away even when they wanted to be friends with…

ONE DOWN ?

MY DREAM CAME TRUE...After a very long time, I am really happy. I have a good news and a bad news. Well, the good news is that, I got my canadian visa and study permit and the bad news is that I can't go until January. As I wrote earlier, the classes have already started and since my study permit was approved late, I lost the seat and I had to apply for a deferment to the program for January 2018. I am not really sad about that though. I am happy about the fact that I got my visa and never in my dreams did I think that I would be getting such an opportunity to go abroad and study. It was always my dream since high school. If I get to go soon, that's two down from my bucket list- getting a degree and living abroad. :D
There is a reason why I chose to go abroad. Firstly, I want to be independent and strong and I want to live my life on my own terms. Secondly I want to save up and travel. Living in India didn't help me much. I blame myself for my current situation and no one e…

GETTING MORE PERSONAL..

WHY BLOGGING ?I don't really know why I have a blog now. I used to be really focused on becoming a professional blogger at one point of time but gradually my interest faded or more like I haven't really had the motivation to even write a post. I have been going through so much lately where I was questioning every single minute of my existence. I know for a fact that all I write about is how messed up my life is or about starting over or about dreams and ambitions that I never really want to take initiative and start working on. This is me. I talk so much about everything but I never really take a step forward to achieving or changing them. If one thing in my life goes wrong, I conclude that my life is over. I am definitely not a good inspiration. I am a weird person and my thoughts are absolutely suicidal. Maybe if i could just think about all the positivity around me, who knows things will get better? 
I started this blog as a very personal platform where I can write my though…

A CHANCE TO TURN PAGES OVER????

 MY LAST HOPE!
I once wrote a post on the list of things I want to do before I die.I wrote about wanting to settle somewhere abroad and getting a foreign degree. To strike these two out from my bucket list, I applied to Canada for my post graduation degree and I am waiting for my visa. If by god's grace I get my visa and make it to Canada, I want to start a new life. It is a little scary when I think about it- having to stay alone somewhere far away from my family. But I am willing to take that risk because at this point that's all I really want. Go as far away as possible from everyone and start fresh. I haven't had the chance to write anything since a month or two because I was distracted- to put it precisely a beautiful distraction took me over. Perhaps everything that's happening in my life now is for a better tomorrow. I want the old me back - perhaps I can be my old self once I leave this place. I have a list of things I want to do before I start living my life on…

EPIPHANY? :/

DAY: Monday UPDATES ! Currently I am sitting in my room on a Monday morning, sipping on a cup of coffee from time to time and wondering what to write on my blog. I didn't get much sleep last night and its been like this since a few weeks now. I have trouble sleeping at night but I won't really call it insomnia because I do manage to rest my eyes but from time to time I wake up for no reason and find it hard to go back to sleep again. It definitely isn't a healthy habit and I am trying to find a way to stop my broken sleeping pattern. My brain is always busy thinking and its just so hard for me to control my thoughts. I am regretting my decision to have coffee in the morning because I had this creative thoughts while I was on bed and I thought maybe coffee would help me collect them and arrange it in a neat orderly way and put it across as a post on my blog. I should have written the post while I was still groggy. I am not a coffee person but I was a little tired today and I …

THANK YOU MR.

MY CAPRICORN MAN CRUSH!!! "I wanna do threesome someday. That's one of my deepest desire and an item on my bucket list"  - Nick  So this post is about this guy who came into my life 5 years ago and vanished without a trace. Why am I writing about him ?? You will find out soon. He came and went and 5 years later, he showed up again out of the blue and changed my whole life upside down. Haha 
Okay, Where to even begin? 
My life has been extremely chaotic lately that I was banged up emotionally and mentally and there'd been times when I felt suicidal but I didn't have the guts to do it. That was the time when this certain someone walks into my life.This guy has by far been the craziest one I have ever seen in my life. Thank you so much for existing. I was getting pretty jaded there for a second and then you came along to cast a big shining light on my life. So Nick this one is for you! 

You might be wondering why I am writing about you. Its because you changed my life wi…

LETTING GO OF THE PAST...

TURNING A NEW LEAF..
I am officially starting fresh in life... All these days, I have been conflicting over some ideas that would probably turn the course of my life to a completely disastrous direction. I committed a really horrendous mistake 6 months ago and I am still trying to cope with it. Its funny how one big mistake can affect you and your family in a way that you never imagined. I spend months figuring out a way to be happy and deal with the situation in a smart way. But unfortunately, that one mistake managed to suck the soul out of my body and often times I feel dead, like my life has come to an end. I resorted to writing blog posts to keep my spirit up and feel inspired and work for what I dreamed in my whole entire life. You know, it sucks- no matter how hard you try to get over that guilt you feel from the mistake you committed, you fail !!
Sometimes, no matter how many times our loved ones try to convince us to not do something because they see something bad coming our w…

MY PAST FEW WEEKS....

EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON IN PAST FEW WEEKS......It's my birthday🎂today and I am sitting and writing a post. That's how jobless I am. To be honest, I never celebrated my birthday my whole entire life. For me its yet another usual day. Don't take pity on me if I said , I never received any gifts or had surprise parties on any occasions- whether its a Christmas or a birthday. So yeah, birthdays are yet another normal day for me. So here I am writing a blog post on what I have been up to since the past few days !
Unemployment eats us up with anxiety - questioning ourselves; worrying about the future. I think its logical to feel that way, because its hard to remain positive when every door we hoped to be open for us closes at our face. I spent a good number of days hunting jobs. I attended a couple of interviews and  I am waiting to hear from them (fingers crossed). I hate to sit idle for a long period of time as I feel my brain would become dysfunctional overtime (j…